Week one

I figured that I would start out this process by figuring out what is happening in my head. And by that I mean, why I go to food for everything in my life, and how I can avoid doing that from now on. I know that food is the symptom, but what is the cause? Why do I use that as my defense?
I do not look at myself and see someone who is fat and gross. I see someone with a lot of energy and personality. Its not until I look at pictures and see myself in another light...that's when I feel bad. And sadly, when I feel bad, I eat. When I have a bad day, I think that food will make me feel better. And it does. I love how satisfying a cupcake is, or a burrito. It is wonderful to get that feeling that everything is okay. And then I finish my food...and I realize what I have done. And then I feel worse than before, so for a few days I eat better. But then something happens, and it can be bad, or good or scary or boring, and I think that food will change it or make it better, and the cycle continues.
So now, the next step is it realize that no matter why I go to food, or what makes me think it will make things better; it is to learn that I can use other outlets to feel better or make my life better. I know what my problem is. I also know that I have the capability to change things, and right now I have the motivation. I want to have kids, and that will be a million times easier if I am not so over weight. I know that I will also benefit from being healthier because I will feel better about me.
Now, reading this back; I see how cliche that sounds, and maybe it is. But really, the thing about all of this is for me to believe that I can do it, and just do it! I am in good space right know and I have an incredible husband who is there to support me and make sure that I hold myself accountable for the not so fantastic things I do, and the milestones I reach. I get to be excited about the good things, no matter how minute, and I need to be aware of the negative things that happen.
So now that all of that is out in the open I am feeling even more motivated to get this whole thing started. I am going to go grocery shopping to get all kinds of yummy, healthy food and start my diet plan, which of course I will be posting here. :) And then it will be figuring out my workout plan. :) Here we go kids...

It's time...

Growing up, I always saw myself as the fat friend; the one that people thought was pretty in the face, but gross everywhere else. After I graduated high school I got into a serious relationship, and in turn, got comfortable. I think that is why I gained so much weight. I figured that I would never be that fat because I would get rid of the weight before it got to that point. But at what point in my weight gaining process do I say, "enough is enough"? At what point do I say, "it's time for a change"? I think that time is now. I need to stop hiding behind my weight and start taking care of myself.
So I am going to start logging on and talking about how I'm doing, and what I'm struggling with; sort of my online journal. I need to be held accountable for my actions, and this is the best way I know how to do that. I am going to start working out and eating right and making myself feel better. I am really hoping that I can stay motivated enough to just do it! I have a lot of motivation right now, and I hope I can pull that through the whole time I'm trying to get back into shape. :)